"Blessed" is my online persona, one that I chose around 10 years ago, on a whim (with more than likely more than a little hopeful thinking going on, being as that's what I wanted to be, what I wanted to believe).
Over the years I have grown very attached to the name, as more and more I see God's loving goodness surround, lift, restore, renew me in ways I could never have imagined. He is always loving, ever present, continuously faithful, covering me in protection & provision, cradling me with compassion & mercy, showering me with an overwhelming abundance of good gifts, like peace and joy when I least expect them.
The beginning of this road trip adventure demonstrates this so well, and one of my goals in blogging here is recording the God stories--all the moments when I've seen or felt His provision, protection, mercy or love. There were several even before we left town!
Not just a road trip, but a journey
Ever since we started homeschooling I've wanted to take the kids out to Washington D.C. to experience our nation's capital--it's pretty much every homeschool mom's dream field trip! But I never seriously thought about trying to make the dream happen until last year when my eldest niece announced she would be getting married. Well, if we're all going to try to come all the way out to Alabama for a wedding. . . well that's only a hop, skip & a jump away from D.C., right? ; ) And so the crazy idea of this road trip all around the US was born.
The wedding is not until late October, so originally we were planning on spending the summer at home and then heading on the road in mid August, doing a sweep through the northern states, midwest, and then east coast, ending down in AL at my parents' in time for the wedding (for those of you reading who knew me back in Illinois growing up--my older sister Rebecca moved down to AL after getting married, and a few years back my parents decided to follow). But a funny thing happened--I started to feel like we were supposed to go sooner. Like in May. There was no specific reason to do so, but I had a sense of unquiet in my spirit about it. So I prayed and asked God what that was about, and if we were supposed to go sooner. Two days letter, I received an email from a close friend, suggesting our teen girls all go to a special camp. In June. In Georgia. A few hours from my parents' home in AL. Mr. Incredible and I conferred, and decided yes, we wanted our eldest, Sunny, to go. And suddenly our trip was starting--in May. That was also my first inclination that God was at work in this trip and its timing--that somehow this was going to be a spiritual journey, not just a road trip. That God wanted to take me somewhere, and He was nudging me to pay attention
Beginning the journey completely out of control
As we got closer to setting a drive-away date, however, something unexpected happened--Mr. Incredible learned the job contract he worked on would not be renewed (he works for a large contractor) and he & everybody on the project would likely be laid off. Starting right around the time when we had to be starting on the road. Hmmmm. Ok, God, what's going on now?! This could have been potentially good for the road trip plans, since hey, now he would not be using carefully hoarded vacation days, but would have complete freedom. But also potentially bad for the road trip because, well, such things take money. And bad because a new job with a new company would probably eliminate his ability to take vacation time this fall to do more traveling with us--and some parts of the trip just won't happen without him being with us. But because I already felt like God was up to something I was not worried about how all of this was going to work out (clearly I'm not speaking for my husband). I could place those worries in God's hands.
However, one thing I was having a hard time putting in God's hands was the launch date for the road trip, which was fast approaching. The sudden work upheaval meant that we were no longer sure if or when Mr. I could take vacation time off for the trip--but we had a deadline to make, needing to deliver Sunny on time to camp in GA. I had tentatively planned a nice big buffer of time to get us to AL, allowing for all the educational and fun sightseeing along the way that would make the trip worthwhile. But Mr. I kept saying he could not confirm when he could leave, and clearly I could not plan the trip without even a starting date, and the work on the trailer (specifically the beds we were making, which I wrote about earlier) was dragging on, and I was watching the calendar marching ever closer to the last possible day we could go, and I was increasingly frustrated, and sad for the things I had wanted to do and family we had wanted to see on the trip out to AL that we now would not have time for (goodbye, Colorado.), and getting anxious about leaving too few days for any road trip other than an exhausting, non-stop, no-fun drive straight from point A to point B.
But here too, it felt like God was already at work; my road trip might have been painfully stalled, but the spiritual journey had already begun. And clearly one of the things God wanted to deal with in me is my need to control situations and outcomes for my family. It's understandable--I'm the mom! I'm supposed to get things going, make things happen, fix problems, make things work out, clean up messes when they don't. But when I can't do those things--when the solution to the problem is outside of my control--I can too easily get stressed out and start fretting. And so that's what was happening--I felt all the responsibility of the road trip planning, but yet had no control over it. That's crazy making for me. So I had a lot of Big Feelings to deal with the weeks before the trip. And God led me through it, giving me glimpses of other ways to be in times like this, showing me how to let go and be truly ok, no matter what.
This is actually the short version of the story--I'll spare you the details, but God whispered and nudged and guided me through those last weeks, and our entire trip out to Alabama, and by the time we were here (and I had a week or so to process the whole experience), I was a new person. Somehow, miraculously, I was able to surrender all kinds of stuff to God, and I am now walking around in a newfound freedom. I can't describe it except to say that it feels like I've set down a wearying load that I had carried so long I had not even noticed I was carrying it. And it feels like shirking--like I'm letting slide something the world says I'm supposed to keep up and care about. Because the main thing I surrendered was that stressed-out need to control situations and outcomes, and I feel like the world would condemn me if it knew--because isn't that what a Good wife, or Good mother, Good Christian, etc. is supposed to do? Work really hard to make everything work out for everyone? Be responsible for everyone's happiness? Do whatever other people think I should do to maintain my status as Acceptable in the Eyes of the World?
Even more, it feels like the world would be aghast if it knew that not only have I stopped trying to control, but I've also stopped caring that I am not in control. I've consciously let go of the emotional/psychological/spiritual burdens of needing to somehow Do It Right. Make Everybody Happy. Be a Good Wife/Mother/Christian/Daughter, etc.
All those things are spiritual bondage. And Jesus, through His mercy, set me free from those chains, and led me to a new place. A place where I am free from condemnation, fear, & worry. And I like it here.
The best way I can describe this newfound spiritual place is. . . Margaritaville. You know, that classic Jimmy Buffet song. Except without the alcoholic, self-destructive escapism. Margaritaville is where, when life hits you with something unexpected or hard, you stay zen and are able to handle it without stress or codependent reaction. Everything really is ok, and so there's no need to panic, or react, or stress, or become emotionally invested in whatever drama is going down. People can be mad at me, things can be out of my control, things can even be going awry, and I can still--inside--be intentionally putting my feet up on the porch railing and reaching for that tall, cool glass as I watch the sunset over the water.
Of course I AM the mom, the wife, the daughter, etc. and so I do have to still make things happen, help people who need it, etc. But I want to learn to do these things from this new place of surrender to God. From this place of peace and liberty. I want to be Mayor of Margaritaville.
It's going to take time to relearn how to live this new way--but I have a feeling God set me out on this spiritual journey in His perfect timing, using the physical journey and all that goes along with it as His instruments of teaching. I guess the world is my classroom too!
God working out all things for good. . .
And here's how God worked out for good all the things that looked like they could be pretty bad there at the start of the trip:
--Mr. Incredible's request for 2 weeks of vacation there at the end of the contract (when you would think it would be all hands on deck!) was approved.
--We left with just enough time to get to Alabama without stress, and allowing for some fun along the way, as I hope these blog posts show.
--When we arrived in AL he flew back to CA to finish the contract. Only a few days before what was scheduled to be everyone's last day of work he was contacted by the company and invited to stay on, moving to a different project. So he got vacation when he wanted it, and is still employed, and since his time with the company was uninterrupted he should still be eligible for taking more vacation time in for flying out to join us for another leg of the trip!
--Now his workload is very heavy and he is working long hours, as he is helping wrap up the previous project while also starting this new one--and we both have commented that it is probably a good thing that he has a quiet house and no wife or kids around to provide distraction.
God's faithful provision, personal teaching, and perfect timing seem to be themes of this trip so far.
More God stories will be woven into my travelogue here--for anyone who wants to hear them!
Not a bad travel plan:
The beginning of this road trip adventure demonstrates this so well, and one of my goals in blogging here is recording the God stories--all the moments when I've seen or felt His provision, protection, mercy or love. There were several even before we left town!
Not just a road trip, but a journey
Ever since we started homeschooling I've wanted to take the kids out to Washington D.C. to experience our nation's capital--it's pretty much every homeschool mom's dream field trip! But I never seriously thought about trying to make the dream happen until last year when my eldest niece announced she would be getting married. Well, if we're all going to try to come all the way out to Alabama for a wedding. . . well that's only a hop, skip & a jump away from D.C., right? ; ) And so the crazy idea of this road trip all around the US was born.
The wedding is not until late October, so originally we were planning on spending the summer at home and then heading on the road in mid August, doing a sweep through the northern states, midwest, and then east coast, ending down in AL at my parents' in time for the wedding (for those of you reading who knew me back in Illinois growing up--my older sister Rebecca moved down to AL after getting married, and a few years back my parents decided to follow). But a funny thing happened--I started to feel like we were supposed to go sooner. Like in May. There was no specific reason to do so, but I had a sense of unquiet in my spirit about it. So I prayed and asked God what that was about, and if we were supposed to go sooner. Two days letter, I received an email from a close friend, suggesting our teen girls all go to a special camp. In June. In Georgia. A few hours from my parents' home in AL. Mr. Incredible and I conferred, and decided yes, we wanted our eldest, Sunny, to go. And suddenly our trip was starting--in May. That was also my first inclination that God was at work in this trip and its timing--that somehow this was going to be a spiritual journey, not just a road trip. That God wanted to take me somewhere, and He was nudging me to pay attention
Beginning the journey completely out of control
As we got closer to setting a drive-away date, however, something unexpected happened--Mr. Incredible learned the job contract he worked on would not be renewed (he works for a large contractor) and he & everybody on the project would likely be laid off. Starting right around the time when we had to be starting on the road. Hmmmm. Ok, God, what's going on now?! This could have been potentially good for the road trip plans, since hey, now he would not be using carefully hoarded vacation days, but would have complete freedom. But also potentially bad for the road trip because, well, such things take money. And bad because a new job with a new company would probably eliminate his ability to take vacation time this fall to do more traveling with us--and some parts of the trip just won't happen without him being with us. But because I already felt like God was up to something I was not worried about how all of this was going to work out (clearly I'm not speaking for my husband). I could place those worries in God's hands.
However, one thing I was having a hard time putting in God's hands was the launch date for the road trip, which was fast approaching. The sudden work upheaval meant that we were no longer sure if or when Mr. I could take vacation time off for the trip--but we had a deadline to make, needing to deliver Sunny on time to camp in GA. I had tentatively planned a nice big buffer of time to get us to AL, allowing for all the educational and fun sightseeing along the way that would make the trip worthwhile. But Mr. I kept saying he could not confirm when he could leave, and clearly I could not plan the trip without even a starting date, and the work on the trailer (specifically the beds we were making, which I wrote about earlier) was dragging on, and I was watching the calendar marching ever closer to the last possible day we could go, and I was increasingly frustrated, and sad for the things I had wanted to do and family we had wanted to see on the trip out to AL that we now would not have time for (goodbye, Colorado.), and getting anxious about leaving too few days for any road trip other than an exhausting, non-stop, no-fun drive straight from point A to point B.
But here too, it felt like God was already at work; my road trip might have been painfully stalled, but the spiritual journey had already begun. And clearly one of the things God wanted to deal with in me is my need to control situations and outcomes for my family. It's understandable--I'm the mom! I'm supposed to get things going, make things happen, fix problems, make things work out, clean up messes when they don't. But when I can't do those things--when the solution to the problem is outside of my control--I can too easily get stressed out and start fretting. And so that's what was happening--I felt all the responsibility of the road trip planning, but yet had no control over it. That's crazy making for me. So I had a lot of Big Feelings to deal with the weeks before the trip. And God led me through it, giving me glimpses of other ways to be in times like this, showing me how to let go and be truly ok, no matter what.
This is actually the short version of the story--I'll spare you the details, but God whispered and nudged and guided me through those last weeks, and our entire trip out to Alabama, and by the time we were here (and I had a week or so to process the whole experience), I was a new person. Somehow, miraculously, I was able to surrender all kinds of stuff to God, and I am now walking around in a newfound freedom. I can't describe it except to say that it feels like I've set down a wearying load that I had carried so long I had not even noticed I was carrying it. And it feels like shirking--like I'm letting slide something the world says I'm supposed to keep up and care about. Because the main thing I surrendered was that stressed-out need to control situations and outcomes, and I feel like the world would condemn me if it knew--because isn't that what a Good wife, or Good mother, Good Christian, etc. is supposed to do? Work really hard to make everything work out for everyone? Be responsible for everyone's happiness? Do whatever other people think I should do to maintain my status as Acceptable in the Eyes of the World?
Even more, it feels like the world would be aghast if it knew that not only have I stopped trying to control, but I've also stopped caring that I am not in control. I've consciously let go of the emotional/psychological/spiritual burdens of needing to somehow Do It Right. Make Everybody Happy. Be a Good Wife/Mother/Christian/Daughter, etc.
All those things are spiritual bondage. And Jesus, through His mercy, set me free from those chains, and led me to a new place. A place where I am free from condemnation, fear, & worry. And I like it here.
The best way I can describe this newfound spiritual place is. . . Margaritaville. You know, that classic Jimmy Buffet song. Except without the alcoholic, self-destructive escapism. Margaritaville is where, when life hits you with something unexpected or hard, you stay zen and are able to handle it without stress or codependent reaction. Everything really is ok, and so there's no need to panic, or react, or stress, or become emotionally invested in whatever drama is going down. People can be mad at me, things can be out of my control, things can even be going awry, and I can still--inside--be intentionally putting my feet up on the porch railing and reaching for that tall, cool glass as I watch the sunset over the water.
Of course I AM the mom, the wife, the daughter, etc. and so I do have to still make things happen, help people who need it, etc. But I want to learn to do these things from this new place of surrender to God. From this place of peace and liberty. I want to be Mayor of Margaritaville.
(me in Margaritaville. And a preview of stories to come!)
It's going to take time to relearn how to live this new way--but I have a feeling God set me out on this spiritual journey in His perfect timing, using the physical journey and all that goes along with it as His instruments of teaching. I guess the world is my classroom too!
God working out all things for good. . .
And here's how God worked out for good all the things that looked like they could be pretty bad there at the start of the trip:
--Mr. Incredible's request for 2 weeks of vacation there at the end of the contract (when you would think it would be all hands on deck!) was approved.
--We left with just enough time to get to Alabama without stress, and allowing for some fun along the way, as I hope these blog posts show.
--When we arrived in AL he flew back to CA to finish the contract. Only a few days before what was scheduled to be everyone's last day of work he was contacted by the company and invited to stay on, moving to a different project. So he got vacation when he wanted it, and is still employed, and since his time with the company was uninterrupted he should still be eligible for taking more vacation time in for flying out to join us for another leg of the trip!
--Now his workload is very heavy and he is working long hours, as he is helping wrap up the previous project while also starting this new one--and we both have commented that it is probably a good thing that he has a quiet house and no wife or kids around to provide distraction.
God's faithful provision, personal teaching, and perfect timing seem to be themes of this trip so far.
More God stories will be woven into my travelogue here--for anyone who wants to hear them!
Not a bad travel plan:
1 comment:
I SO needed to hear this! Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us!
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